I have decided that enough is enough. I am tired, frustrated and somewhere within me I have snapped. I have tiptoed around, bit my tongue and tried to be uber diplomatic most of my life. Enough I say! I’m done!
I don’t do new year resolutions so I won’t call it that. But in the last few weeks a shift has occurred inside me that I cannot ignore which has changed how I react to things. And this is a very good thing for me.
I have sent too much of my life feeling like a doormat. Too long chasing after relationships (all types). I’ve had enough of feeling disrespected. Enough of biting my tongue to save other people’s feelings. Too often giving in to what others want and sacrificing my own wants, needs and desires. What has all that “kindness” gotten me? Nothing! Nothing except heartache, loneliness and pain.I get ignore, accused behind my back of things that aren’t true and I get lie to (or told half-truths which are worse than lies to me).
So now I have gone through this transition after being a bit of a hermit the past few weeks. I had lots of time for soul searching even though I didn’t realise I was doing it. But I did spend time thinking about how others treat me, how they upset me and how it made me feel. I didn’t like a lot of what I found.
This morning I awoke. Not just from a good night’s sleep (rare) but also something inside me has awoken. It feels like I might respect myself a bit more and that I can demand respect in return. I feel a wee bit stronger. It’s an odd feeling for me since I have such low confidence and esteem (try looking for mine below the floor). It’s a bit scary too as my mind wonders “will this last?”. I like it and want to build on it. I hope that I can.
Regardless, for now, expect to hear the truth from me. I won’t be wrapping up my advice and comments in cotton wool any longer. It doesn’t mean I intend to be unintentionally harsh but just going to call a spade a spade. No kid gloves. I won’t make excuses when someone screws things up – I will tell then what I really feel. Oh geez I just realised – I’m going to adult!