My depression is at bay once again – only just but that is something. Life however is not. I feel overwhelmed by it. Yet again, money is causing no end of troubles. Well, the lack of it. My child benefit payment has yet to arrive this week. This is not good considering how tight my budget is these days. And it angers me because it highlights in my mind too vividly my shortcomings as a mother/parent.
On Sunday, my daughter went riding with one of her friends’ mother. She had a fantastic time. Not surprising as she is in heaven anytime she is around horses. It is this more than anything where I feel I am failing her. I know she’d gladly give up all the other little things in life if she could have her own horse. And that is something I cannot give her. At least not at this point in life.
The trouble expands as I cannot envision ever being ahead of the game enough to give her her heart’s desire. The more my health issues disrupt my life, the more they impact on hers. It isn’t fair.
It is natural for parents to want to give their children all that they want. Finances limit that for everyone. But it seems so unjust when there is really only 1 thing the child wants. Especially as I know how much she wants it and how beneficial it would be for her.
I want to be a good mother. I want to be able to say I give her everything. I want to know that she is happy. I just don’t know how to make it happen.
Okay so, yes, Hoovy actually started riding again 3 weeks ago but tough! This is the first chance I have had to make a proper post about it. Patience people I am a very busy woman 🙂
My little Olympic hopeful needed new kit before she could get back on a horse. For starters, a new helmet as these must always be replaced after an accident (well after a big accident that could have crushed the protective stuff inside the helmet). This time, Hoovy opted for a “skull cap” – a style of hat that doesn’t have a hard brim at the front. This appealed to her as she can get different “silks” to go on it thus changing it’s look. At the moment, she is sporting a black & hot pink silk as demonstrated in this photo …
Next, the body protector. Hoovy was delighted to find a black one in her size as her old one was navy blue and didn’t match her black boots and hat. Now just because riding can be mucky does NOT mean you have to be a fashion disaster! So brand new black body protector which when worn with the hot pink covers she already had alongside the new hat with it’s black and hot pink silk = one totally colour co-ordinated rider!
And here is the pic to prove it!
Oh yes and don’t forget the black gloves (which sadly cannot be seen in this snap). Now she (naturally) already had pink jodhpurs and various pink tops to wear along with the rest of her kit. Another thing you cannot see here is the Tshirt she has on underneath. This was a present for Valentine’s day and she absolutely loves that her sister Crystal embellished it for her. The t-shirt already had horsey hoof prints and what-not on it but Crystal lovingly added “I love Horses” to it. This little personal touch really makes it very special for Hoovy (she LOVES her big sister!). One final thing to mention … in this photo (taken today) she is wearing my pink university hoodie. This is only significant because when she came off a horse called Molly just before xmas, she was wearing her own pink uni hoodie that was exactly like mine (only 1 size smaller). Sadly, hers had to be cut off and I am surprised she even considered wearing mine as she did not like hers being cut. Who knows she might feel more secure in mine?
SO … all decked out and ready to ride! As mentioned today was her 3rd lesson since her return.
Riding a cute little white (actually called grey in the horsey world) horse called Pye, Hoovy is the star of this video captured my me 🙂 Please excuse the long boring bit at the start (Pye decided to have a poo and I haven’t a software program at the moment to cut that bit out!) … so here she is …
Hope you enjoyed the show!!!! Comments are MOST welcomed!!!!