Category Archives: Xmas

Bonkers Night


I wish I had only dreamed it all. And to think it all happened here in my house with just myself. I am desperately trying to stay awake to write this. It all started with Gilbert.


I found him in the morning around about 11am. He was much larger than I had envisioned. He seemed to weigh a ton. My good friend, bless her, actually got him to the car for me. Her brother even helped get him into my house. I miscalculated how long he would need to get ready – I hadn’t planned on him being so big and heavy. He spent the day in the bath; with me changing his water periodically.


Since I was alone, I grabbed my presents and set about wrapping them while I could. I was already tired at this point in the afternoon and only could manage to wrap 4. Sad right? I was just in too much pain an needed to rest. But  didn’t. There was/is too much to do! I pressed on with other things like writing a blog entry, clearing off a table and decorating it. Nothing major as I just didn’t have the energy. I struggled for hours about cooking dinner. I was hungry but didn’t really fancy Spaghetti Bolognese. In the end I cracked, made it and ate. It was my first proper meal this week – for 5 days I was ill and unable to eat much of anything. Even plain crackers would not agree with me. But I am veering off my tale.


Maybe if I hadn’t dithered so long I could have taken a nap and the unfortunate events with Gilbert could have been prevented. But I didn’t take a nap. I watched some telly. The day had slipped away and at 9pm, I was exhausted but knew it was too late for sleep. I had to get Gilbert sorted out and I had to make stuffing. With Gilbert in his freshly topped up bath, I set about making the stuffing. I tore bread. That was okay. I chopped celery. I was in pain from doing that but still had to diced an onion. I had to take a break first as the pain was too bad. Eventually all the prep was done but it was around 11pm (2 hours to tear bread and chop celery and an onion????).


Getting the spices and everything right for the stuffing seemed to be far harder than it had ever been before. (Was it my tiredness?) I ended up with stuffing that I think was good enough. To be fair to myself, making stuffing by hand and cooking it in the turkey is a bit of guess work. You can never know how the juices will affect the taste. Oh Crikey! The bird. The store only had large ones left and there’s only 2 of us. What can you do? I cannot afford to buy the ‘fresh’ ones as they are usually twice the price. Massive amounts of turkey sandwiches ahead along with some freezing I think.


So I start on the bird. It isn’t defrosted. It’s now 12 midnight, the witching hour and I am dead on my feet. I clear and wash the sink. Wrestling with the bird is a tiresome task. It’s slippery and I have the strength to manoeuvre such a heavy thing (even when I am not already wiped out).  I had to dig real deep but finally managed to get it in the sink. The slippery sod was hard to get into the right position but again I managed. I started the water (cold) and positioned the faucet to pour into his innards.


Then I step back and look at it. This is one big bird! I look over to the bowl of stuffing I made. Never will that be enough. So I grab the bowl and the bread and go to sit on the couch to at least be off my feet as I tear more bread to add to the bowl.


Around 1am, I checked on the turkey. Not quite defrosted enough! I re-position it and go to have a cigarette and something to drink (milk I think it was). I was in so much pain. Just shifting my foot brought on waves of agony. But I couldn’t go to bed. Not at this point. I had to get that fat arsed turkey stuffed and into the oven!


At just before 4am, my daughter woke me. Oh crap on a cracker I’d fall asleep! I’d been out about 2 1/2 hours. And I still felt just as bad as before I had slept. I rushed to the bird – definitely defrosted now. I wrestled it to the awaiting pan. Oh geez it hurt my back! I stuffed it and even with the additional bread there wasn’t enough stuffing for it. Just one more step – get it down into the already hot oven.


I’m sure I did some breathing exercises in preparation. I have issues of tipping when I bend over and have nothing in my hands. This was going to be very difficult for my physically. Deep breath 1, deep breath 2, deep breath 3 and go!


I got it down onto the rack which I’d pulled halfway out to help make it easier (?). Then it started to slide forward –  off the rack. I imagine if anyone had been watching it would have been comical. For me it was hell. My feet kept slipping, I kept nearly tottering over, my back and shoulders were screaming at me. I pushed, shoved, tried to shimmy the beast. I tried to lift the rack so it wouldn’t slide but I didn’t have the strength to even budge it. Then somehow with an almighty shove, I got it into the oven. It barely fit. It’s legs nearly touched the wall.


It was done. I vaguely remember calculating when to check it and set an alarm on my phone. I crawled up the stairs (dignity having been long gone in this ordeal). I was out almost immediately. It was 4.30am.


Boing! Awake at 8 am despite setting my wake up alarm for 9. I make a cup of coffee and sit down to my laptop. I check the usual stuff, email, Facebook, Twitter and end up here on my blog. I begin to write but it soon becomes clear That I need more sleep so off I go to the couch for a nap with an alarm set.


Bonkers Ordeal Part 1 Complete.


Oh Wait! Gilbert is this year’s turkey’s name 🙂


Psaryce x