Tag Archives: Family

Travelling

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This time next week I will be on a bus with Chrissy heading to London Gatwick airport. It feels so strange to think that. I’ve not been in the US for 16 years – well neither of us have to be honest. I am filled with so many emotions that it feels overwhelming.

I am super excited of course. Having lived a very hum-drum life for many years, this is a huge event for me. I can’t wait to see my family whom I love dearly. I’m especially looking forward to hugs with my mother, my eldest daughter and her 3 boys – I have 3 grandsons :O I would also dearly love to hug my son Nikkolas but that will be up to him. But just the thought of being with everyone is mind-blowing for me. I look forward to spending time with my sisters and hopefully getting to do some things with each of them to just spend time one-on-one. For example sitting and crocheting or knitting with my eldest sister Sandy. Maybe she can teach me a thing or two but it won’t matter as I just want the experience. Maybe go somewhere with my other sister Donna and get silly like we used to do. I could use a bit of sister silly in my life and think she could too.

I am nervous. In the run up to leaving, I am anxious about packing the right things, not forgetting something important and also getting household tasks completed – like defrosting the freezer! Ugh I hate doing that. I’m trying to be very organized about packing but think I have gone off the list a bit. I may have packed more than planned. But when the suitcase isn’t full what can you do?!

I am happy. Not something I am normally but at the moment I am so glad I have this opportunity. It feels good this whole trip thing. I feel I deserve it after all this time. There have been moments in the past 2 months where I felt I didn’t deserve it; felt I’d been too spontaneous and selfish for booking it. But now I am focusing on the love we will all share in person, face-to-face.

I am nervous. The whole getting to the plane on time is a source of anxiety for me. I know I have everything planned out but can’t help worry that mundane things like traffic will get in the way of the plan. Once I’m at the airport and checked in I know I will be able to relax a bit.

I’m ecstatic! I can’t wait for the laughter of which I’m sure there will be plenty. We’re all a bit daffy so lots of laughing is pretty much a guarantee. I love the sound of laughter – it warms my heart and soothes my soul.

I currently feel like I’m in limbo. I have all this stuff to do but am too impatient. I want to be on the move not held down seeing to boring details. I started counting down the days back when there were 50 to go but the last 43 days have flown by. I suspect these last 7 are going to drag on but I really hope not. I hate waiting for things to happen!

So these are just some of the feelings and thoughts I’m having. There are many more but I don’t want to bore anyone.

Psaryce x

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Beginning Again

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I have recently been persuaded to begin writing on my blog again. I gave in to the arguments in the pro column and here I am. The problem is that I have no idea what to write about!

I’m a rather reactive sort of person so in the past, my entries have mostly been about whatever was going on in my life. That can sometimes be a good thing if you channel the positives. I didn’t. As I said I can be quite reactive so the entries tended to be indirect attacks on specific people who were, for wont of a better phrase, pissing me off. I suppose that is okay from time to time but I began to feel all I was doing was moaning and whinging and I didn’t think my readers really wanted to be subjected to my turmoil in that way. So I stopped writing and want to avoid this turning into a bitchfest once again.

I have plenty of health issues (such as diabetes, depression, anxiety, panic attacks) and it was suggest this could be a way of tracking all that is going on with my body. But I do wonder (again) do my readers really want to hear all about it? Like how depressing having diabetes really is; how it can be so frustrating trying to get it right; how you feel like a constant failure because it is impossible to get right all of the time. Once again, I don’t see a problem with posting about my health once in a while but feel I need to be wary of it becoming another subject for moaning and whinging. So I shall try to limit posts about my medical issues.

It was also suggested as a way of self-analysis or reflection. Perhaps a way to discover me! What makes me tick? How and why do I react to things? Are there any patterns? Can I make any changes for the better? As with the previous angles, I think this too would get boring for my readers.

What else could I write about? Plenty I am sure! Those who know my will be aware that I can be very opinionated. Caution must be taken in this area as well. I mean, who am I to pontificate as if I’m an expert when I’m not?

I could also just write about my daily life with the aim of keeping friends and family informed. I suppose that has the possible advantage of being more varied in the content but also runs the risk of being monotonous. I’m not currently experiencing lots of changes from day-to-day and worry I won’t be creative to capture and hold people’s attention for more than a few days. It would be a challenge to turn the mundane and oridinary into something interesting to read though … hmm I shall ponder on that one!

So those are things I think that I should aim to avoid doing in my posts. Why is it usually easier to say what you don’t want than it is to work out what you do want?

I guess until I work out what it is that I want to write, I’ll just ramble on about lots of things in the hope that I will find something to stick with.

Just checked and I haven’t posted in over 2 years!! Since it’s been so long, I’m not even sure anybody will actually see this post. So I ask that those of you who do, please let me know that you still get notified and also PLEASE help me chose some content ideas! Give me a task, a subject … what would you like me to write about? Let me know here or on Facebook or whatever … just let me know please 🙂

Bright Blessings,

Psaryce x

 

My Nephew

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I know I have been ridiculously quiet the past few weeks. I’ve been juggling diabetes and depression. It is a vicious cycle.

Still, once in a while something comes along and brightens my day. This time it was finally finding my nephew’s YouTube channel and watching his videos. I’ve been trying to find it for a while now but never quite got round to asking the right people (that vicious cycle intruding on my life again – makes me forget things).

I thought my youngest would like to see it. Living an ocean apart from family, she does enjoy it when she can see parts of their lives. Pictures, videos, comments on Facebook, etc. I suppose it helps her feel connected to them.

I showed one of his videos to her this morning before she left for school. She was like “Wow! He can play the guitar!”. I left her to the computer and went to get dressed. When I returned, she was watching another while on her Blackberry downloading the first one. She said “I really like this song! It’s cool!”. Auntie pride and Mother love combined and gave me a warm fuzzy feeling. I smiled. Inside and out.

So here it is … the video …

 

 

Awesome job Tommy! Keep writing, keep playing and keep posting!

 

Psaryce x

What Happened To Motherhood?

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At what point did motherhood become insignificant? When last could a woman state with pride when asked what she does that she is a mother? And, more importantly, why is raising children no longer an honourable vocation?

I grew up in the 70s and my mother stayed at home. It was comforting as a child to know that Mom was there if ever I needed her. If something happened at school, they could call and she’d be straight there. If I was ill, there were no issues or stressors about taking time off work – the biggest problem was calling up the doctor for an appointment.

I had heard the term “latch-key kids” but I couldn’t really fathom coming home to an empty house after school. I couldn’t understand why a mother wouldn’t be at home every day like mine was when I got home. I remember one day when my mother had got stuck in traffic on her way home from shopping. I got off the school bus; it was on the corner opposite the house next door. Her car wasn’t in the driveway. I was perplexed. I hesitantly walked to my front door as if something evil lurked about unseen. My heart was beating faster than normal. I tried the door. It was locked! I shouted for mom but no answer. I banged the door, still no answer. With every second, panic built inside me. I didn’t know what to do. This had never happened before. There was no precedent. I hadn’t been given any instructions.

Our neighbour on the other side must have heard me because she came out asking if I was okay. By this point I must have looked a right state. My heart was racing, my blood thumping in my head; panic, anxiety and fear were threatening to overwhelm me. The neighbour took me into her house and tried to calm me down. It didn’t work very well. I kept thinking what if mom came home and we didn’t hear? How would she know where to find me? Would she panic and feel like I did? I vaguely remember her arriving and apologising a lot. With my fears eliminated, I guess that part just didn’t stick in my mind as vividly.

I do remember thinking how awful those latch kids must feel coming home to an empty house every day. I knew I was glad I wasn’t one of them. I think part of me didn’t want to believe they existed. I used child logic to explode the myth. Who were these supposed kids? Where were they? I’d never met one. All of my friends went home to find their mother in the house waiting for them.

Regardless, I grew up and didn’t think any more about it. Until I had kids of course. My youngest is 13 and while talking with her the other week, I discovered that she too feels comforted by me being at home during the day while she’s at school. Then I think of when my eldest was a single mother with my first grandson. It wasn’t her fault; she had fled his abusive father. As soon as he turned 1 year old, she was forced to take up work. Without work experience and a degree, the money she could earn wasn’t enough to make ends meet.  I was shocked! He was only a year old. He wasn’t even walking yet. I was disgusted that she was made to leave him in someone else’s care for hours every day. For someone else to spend that precious time with him when he should have been with his mother.

Is this the downside of feminism? I am all for equality of pay should a woman choose to work. But forcing young mothers and their infants to be separated like this is just wrong in my opinion. It isn’t just single mothers either. Many families cannot survive on one salary so the mothers have to work. So no, this isn’t a backlash of feminism – well not entirely. Is this the price we pay for living in a consumerist society? Partially I think. When decent housing is unaffordable on one wage that starts creating problems. When every year more and more products are introduced to the market – especially those aimed at children – the problem begins to mount. When the costs of basic necessities, such as food, rises and sometimes doubles, the problem multiplies. Where does it stop? Does it ever stop?

Bring back the days when men were men and provided for their family. Bring back the days when women could be mothers and housewives. Bring back the days when there was no pressure to parents beyond ensuring their children received a good education. But bring these things back along with all we have learned about inequality.

On second thought, lets create a future where families can choose who shall stay home with the kids. Lets work to build the single income to a level that can sustain a family regardless of whether it is earned by the man or the woman. Lets give ourselves more control over our own lives.

Lets make families the priority. Lets put the children first. Lets give them what they need!

Right now … how?!

 

Psaryce x

Went to the dogs

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As part of a football club promotion, we got tickets for free entrance to the dog races this evening. I’d never been to a dog race (been to plenty of horse races though!) and neither had my daughter. She had a good time. Before the racing began, she went through the card and picked one for each race. D placed her bet on the first race … and it won! Return for the £2 bet was £5. So we told her that it was best to stop while sh was ahead. But she enjoyed just watching and seeing if her other predictions had been right or not. To be honest, out of the rest, one won and the rest all came second! We didn’t stay for all the races though because it is a chilly night and the wind is quite vigorous. But for a free night out, it was good fun and if it ever warms up again, we might go back another evening.

btw: If you haven’t figured it out, I’m still trying to get my head around WordPress and Flickr so this is a work in progress!