Thursday. I have to try and cope with life and the additional stress and anxiety that precedes a fitness to work assessment. The last one I went to I was treated appallingly. So I am already experiencing anxiety about this one. Here are some of the thoughts rattling about in my mind continuously. I can’t seem to shut them up!
How will I managed to get any sleep the night before when I’m already stressing about it? What if I oversleep? How would I force myself to go if I have a bout of massive depression? Or if my anxiety continues to rise? Is there anything I can do to calm myself down while I wait for it to be time to leave on the day? Will I have to go alone or will my friend be well enough to come with me? How on Earth will I cope if I have to go alone? Will I get there on time or will I end up being late? What will traffic be like? Will I be able to walk from the car park to the office? What will I be feeling when I finally get there? How will I be received at reception? Will they keep me waiting for ages before calling me back? How will I cope with waiting even just a little while? Who will I see? What will their attitude be? How will I control my nerves? Will I cry? How many panic attacks will I have before, during and after the appointment? Will the person accept what I say or discount everything I feel and have been going through (like last time)? How will I feel once it is over? How long will it take me to recover from the ordeal this time (it took a week last time)?
Today is Monday. I am already exhausted from the anxiety I am experiencing over this appointment even though it isn’t until Thursday afternoon. I feel jittery and nervous. I can’t sit still. I can’t focus or relax. I am already struggling to find something to distract me. It looks like this is going to be a very long 4 days.
PS: Curious to know if you have experienced something similar. Does this sound familiar to you?