Tag Archives: stress

To Be Young

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Packing Panic!

Our trip to the USA is causing me to feel excited, anxious, scared, overwhelmed and extremely ‘responsible adult’. I have never planned a hop over the pond (or anywhere else) with such a mixture of emotions – especially not the anxiety and fear.

Oh to be young and carefree again! To go back to when I didn’t worry at all, just did it and went (usually at very short notice). I never had so much time to prepare for any trip as I do now but I feel I have far too much to do before we set off. 49 days to go at the time of writing this. Sounds like plenty of time on the surface but not to me. I am bordering on panic at the though of everything I still need to get done.

Maybe it is all the important stuff I ignored in the past along with the essential stuff that I have been organizing that has me feeling this way. Stuff like the actual booking of flights and the trip to London to get passports. Those are essential and couldn’t be avoided of course. But I have also applied for an international driver’s permit at the post office, investigated travel insurance and other such stuff that I never thought about when travelling in the past.

It all has me so stressed that I’ve even worried about packing! Me worrying about packing? No, no, no! That i just so wrong as I know I am good at it – very organized, very efficient. It is far too early to start packing! And I have all these days in which I need to be doing other things instead of stressing over packing! Yet here I have been intensely surfing the net looking at packing tips even though most pages all say the exact same thing.

For a start, I desperately want to overhaul the entire house. It’s not filthy or anything – mainly just disorganized and needing a proper old fashioned “Spring Clean”. I want it as close to magazine ready as is humanly possible before we leave. I have a harsh return flight schedule with 2 layovers and will in no way want to walk into a chaotic house on my return. Could really do with a cleaning buddy to help or at least keep me company while I work at it for the motivation. The grey skies of late are not helping to energize me at all.

In amongst all this planning for the trip, I also have the day-to-day stuff to deal with. But lately have also needed to sort out other life things like car tax and insurance for new car, blue (disabled) badge, bus pass, home contents insurance, etc. All that stuff no one ever wants to do but really must. Between the trip and life, I have been buried in paperwork (some of it in triplicate which just confuses me). So far I haven’t been able to sort out a decent way of filing all this stuff a most of it needs to be at hand for a while yet (not in the filing cabinet). This also adds to my anxiety as I am terrified I am going to misplace something vital and get screwed later on down the line.

And my health is suffering from it all. I am still sore from the London trip 7 day ago but since we got back from that, I have also developed other issues. The main one being IBS. I know it is due to all the stress I am putting on myself yet can’t seem to get a grip and relax long enough to make a difference.I tried soaking in the tub but even that didn’t work. Hopefully now the extra daily life paperwork has mostly been dealt with I can begin to slow back down again. I certainly need to before we leave or I won’t be fit to enjoy anything.

If anyone reading has any good tips for intense stress, I’m listening with an open mind and lots of gratitude!

Psaryce x

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Fitness For Work Assessment

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Thursday. I have to try and cope with life and the additional stress and anxiety that precedes a fitness to work assessment. The last one I went to I was treated appallingly. So I am already experiencing anxiety about this one. Here are some of the thoughts rattling about in my mind continuously. I can’t seem to shut them up!

How will I managed to get any sleep the night before when I’m already stressing about it? What if I oversleep? How would I force myself to go if I have a bout of massive depression? Or if my anxiety continues to rise? Is there anything I can do to calm myself down while I wait for it to be time to leave on the day? Will I have to go alone or will my friend be well enough to come with me? How on Earth will I cope if I have to go alone? Will I get there on time or will I end up being late? What will traffic be like? Will I be able to walk from the car park to the office? What will I be feeling when I finally get there? How will I be received at reception? Will they keep me waiting for ages before calling me back? How will I cope with waiting even just a little while? Who will I see? What will their attitude be? How will I control my nerves? Will I cry? How many panic attacks will I have before, during and after the appointment? Will the person accept what I say or discount everything I feel and have been going through (like last time)? How will I feel once it is over? How long will it take me to recover from the ordeal this time (it took a week last time)?

Today is Monday. I am already exhausted from the anxiety I am experiencing over this appointment even though it isn’t until Thursday afternoon. I feel jittery and nervous. I can’t sit still. I can’t focus or relax. I am already struggling to find something to distract me. It looks like this is going to be a very long 4 days.

Psaryce x

PS: Curious to know if you have experienced something similar. Does this sound familiar to you?

Anxiety, Fear & Being Alone

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Today is not a good day. I started feeling down yesterday and have been gradually declining ever since. There is so much going on right now, I am finding it harder than normal to fight the darkness.

What started me off yesterday is … On Monday, I have to go to a Tribunal. I appealed against the DWP’s decision that I am fit for work so now have to somehow argue my corner. I am seriously stressing about this. I am a nervous mess just thinking about it. Little me vs 3 professionals. You can bring someone with you but I have no one. My circle of friends is extremely limited and those who would come can’t because the courts chose 3.15 in the afternoon to hear my case. Yup, right at the time when parents, such as me, are dealing with the school run or at least their children returning home from school. I did go to the CAB for advice/help but due to a cock up, the 1st appointment they arranged for me was with the wrong person. So there is little chance the right person has enough time to adjourn the hearing. I am angry about that. Part of the problem with evidence is the doctors don’t yet know what is wrong with me. Knowing that doesn’t help my nerves about Monday any at all.

Today’s post brought further anxiety. An appointment with the day clinic in Neurology in a few weeks time. This time I have to bring someone as I am not to go home alone. Again, limited friends, busy lives. Ugh. Even more fear arose when I fully read what this appointment will entail. First off, an NCS/EMG (Nerve Conduction Studies / Electromyogram). Doesn’t sound fun but wait – the details are even better.

The NCS: electrodes attached to various places one of which “stimulates the nerve” with electrical impulses. This is repeated for a number of nerves over 45 minutes. “Some people find it uncomfortable”.

Even more fun is …

The EMG: A fine needle is inserted into the muscles to “view & listen to the electrical activity”. Further “you may be asked to move in a certain way in order to contract the test muscle” Oh joy! I get a needle stuck in my muscle then they want me to contract it … ouch!

But wait there is more still!

After these distressing tests, I get to have another biopsy! This time instead of cutting out a piece of skin, they will be plunging a hollow needle into my thigh muscle in order to extract a piece of it. “This can be uncomfortable but it is over quickly”.  As I recall from the last biopsy, the local anaesthetic stings like mad and the cut was not exactly unfelt. Also I am kind of fond of my body bits so the idea of taking a bit out doesn’t sit well with me anyways.

I know I shouldn’t get wound up about things that are to be faced in the future but right now I just can’t shake them off. I feel like a child but what I really, really  want is a cuddle and to be told everything will be okay.

Psaryce x